i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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