My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
