We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i will never coherently bang her
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
