Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I did not marry a roomba.
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