Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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