i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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