i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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