If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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