my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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