I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
