singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
