i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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