If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
