Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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