census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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