I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
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On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
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All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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