u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
