I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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