you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
