we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
