I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.