there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
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I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
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These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life