Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
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Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
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After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard