Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask