Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
27 Parents Confess Shocking Secrets Their Kids Don’t Know
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic