I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.