i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
