One girl and one boy is just not enough.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
