Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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