my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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