if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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