i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize