guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.