Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
the evidence from last night is not good...
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?