I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
we're making bets on your personal life
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Watching her eat just hurts me
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I still have a little drunk in my system
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
