Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
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we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
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There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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