So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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