How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
