I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
