Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I need to stop coming to work sober
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
