How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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