Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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