it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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