When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today