We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin