Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny