using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
