Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
