I feel like abortions should bother me more
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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