i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
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