Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
how drunk are you?
Several
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
