I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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