You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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