I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
