she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
