He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Randomize
