wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
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All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
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Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.