Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
We should try to put a bagel on your penis