Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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