Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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