One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Randomize
