Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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