mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i think my mom watched the whole time
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
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Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
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We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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